Still Waiting

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

So I did go in this morning to get my blood test done for my HCG count, and apparently, my numbers are actually going down.
My OB still doesn't seem to sure about me miscarrying because my numbers are going down--but slowly, then again my numbers should have quintupled by now. So I'm getting ANOTHER blood test done on Thursday.
I've already told my husband this...it's not the fact that I may be still miscarrying, its because I have to wait so long just to make sure that I completely am. I'm am so confused, I don't know what's going on anymore. I just want to know what's physically going on with my body, work through it and move on with my life.

I still have some pregnancy symptoms, so either I'm imagining the symptoms or I still really am pregnant. The biggest sign of a miscarriage in early pregnancy is the loss of the symptoms.
I haven't had anymore cramping, and just a little spotting here and there. I haven't passed anything that resembles a baby, I'm not running a fever from a natural miscarriage.
So here we are again, still waiting, I just have to keep on praying for a peace of mind and I try to keep myself busy so that I don't think about it and emotionally break down all the time.

I still have that small hope that Ben and I will go into an ultrasound room and see a perfectly healthy beating heart on the screen. I haven't had one since the ER, but my OB said that depending on my numbers and what my body is doing she may schedule an ultrasound for me. She does find it a little odd that I haven't passed the baby and that I'm still having preggo symptoms and the cramping and bleeding is overall improving.
Yes, I am prepared for the worse, but I have always been a hopeful person. I have that little voice telling me that everything is going to be OK. I don't know what that means either but I guess that we'll just have to wait and see...again...sigh.

Love,
Jess